Thanks for hanging out with me during my growing moments. Doing some writing and cleaning my room and then I’ll dive into my messages again to say nice things or leave voice notes on @cindymoon7 or @maihero.
Writing:
Different Spectrum podcast: Hello, wonderful people! I will be the soft guidance counselor for you today at the… *looks at clipboard* Possibly co-dependent, possibly bpd, possible anger issues, possible lost boy, possible dumbass, possible trauma, just a human, possible______, possible attachment issues support group. 🤣
Please feel free to introduce yourself with your name and if you’re comfortable what’s been going on. If you just want to say your name and hang out and listen, that’s okay. We are all here to support one another and there’s no pressure to share if you’re not ready. This is just a small part of the Anonymous Besties Cult. We are happy that you are here. We only bring love, support and soft guidance if needed.
OPTION A
Cindy Moon: Hi, my name is Cindy Moon. Some people find me attractive, funny, goddess like, silly, loving, good and positive. I’m thankful and grateful for the blessings and people in my life and I am always striving to do more where it matters and show love when and where I can. I always want to do more. I want to fill the world with friendship, love, good people, joy and peace. I am on the spectrum and super adhd. I have communication and socializing challenges to overcome and have been essentially isolating myself for my safety and mental health. I am now open to having more than 2 friends and expanding my very small world.
OPTION B:
Cindy Moon: Hi, my name is Cindy Moon. I fell in love with a man who is scared of me and can’t get a boner. We do not communicate well. He’s addicted to porn and can only possibly get a boner when he watches hard core material of other women. I’m also technically a sex worker.
( Because I have an onlyfans. Which I think is whatever because everyone has an onlyfans. )
#onlyfans #psychiatrists #therapists #psychologists #mentalhealthadvocates #guidancecounselors #wanted #cindymoon
…You don’t even have a six pack of abs. I’ve got 10 fit dudes with six packs willing to call me Angel or princess and get me breakfast so why should I interact with you and not them.
AND THEY CAN GET THEIR DICK HARD WITH JUST A SELFIE.
Ugh what am I doing right now
If you’re mad that other men can afford to throw $10-$100 at me ‘just cuz’ and you can’t…. I promise resenting me for it while you do nothing but waste my time and energy is not going to end well for you.
It’s not even hard to help me or follow my directions. I accept that I will never get through to you. I need someone smart, who cares, who knows what foreplay is and can get their dick hard without relying on porn.
I don’t want you anymore.
I only have everything to gain by dropping your pathetic, deadweight, lazy, worthless self.
I want and deserve ASSISTANTS or MISTER SLAVES to help me stay relaxed and care-free so I can produce better content. I don’t WANT a man. I don’t NEED a man. I want PEACE, SAFETY, SANITY, STABILITY, PROSPERITY, PROTECTION, EVERYTHING POSITIVE WE CAN THINK OF.
I DESERVE IT ALL.
I want to follow my dreams and take care of me, my friends and the world that I’m in. If you have no intentions of seeing me for how I WANT TO BE SEEN AND HEARD, then you get nothing and you can try to go back to your exes who left you for the same reasons.
I told Chad you need to help out where it matters or I have to go to other people. He still doesn’t care so if you’re reading this, Chad.. I told you my needs for 4 years. You can’t be surprised that I left you like your ex wife did. 4 years.
There are girls making 3 million a year with 1 assistant and they’re 21 years old. Meanwhile, you’re driving me nuts doing nothing and wasting the sexiest years of my life. Go be a fucking loser and waste someone else’s time and energy. I need a good person, not an idiot doing everything he can to mooch off of me and lowering my value every day. It’s fucking ridiculous that I don’t have enough b/g content available while girls my age are sleeping with a team of lovers and making 50 times what I do and living carefree.
4 years. Instead of helping me make 1 million dollars a year, you’re making me live in hell to make less than what I did before I met you. ITS BEEN 4 YEARS ALREADY I CANT DO THIS WITH YOU ANYMORE. WHY CANT YOU JUST GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND HELP OUT ALREADY INSTEAD OF STREZZING ME OUT TRYING TO CONVINCE ME IM LAZY WHEN YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING HELPFUL.
I’m looking for co-stars. It’s okay if I don’t find anyone I’m compatible with either.
My wild angel sent me $200 and told me to “dont stress.” So I’m feeling better.
I just really needed to get my head out of this space for a bit. I definitely wasted too much time and energy on the wrong people.
Someone was mad at me cuz I don’t operate the same way as other creators and they were waiting on a custom I was positive I had sent on Snapchat and it was wearing me down. (If I don’t want people keeping nudes of me then that should be respected. Same with not wanting my content to exist outside of this social media platform) Not him asking for it, but the way he was asking. I looked back in messages and played a clip where I said hey and his name in it along with a clip I only made for him and remember sending only to him.
So I did send it to him and thought I didn’t because he was getting aggressive. So he yelled at me instead of asking nicely for more content to achieve what? 😭 don’t freak me out and then wonder why I don’t wanna talk to u. 🏃🏻♀️✨✨✨ 😭
Tbh I’m jealous of creators who have partners or assistants screening their messages of bad people and blocking them for them. Sometimes, I’m slow cuz I see a racist, demanding or dehumanizing comment and then I gotta take a long self care break. Lol. I’m okay, just need a walk to try and forget some things. I’ll be back at messages in an hour. Xoxo.
It’s weird to have a job where I’m letting people see too much for free already and then they call me the bad guy. Even though it’s clear that it’s them because they’re being entitled and toxic because they weren’t raised well. It puts me in a terrible position and I shouldn’t be worried or concerned at all. He was also mad that I wouldn’t share for share him. I don’t think my followers want to see a man here. The last time I did a ad for a man I lost several hundred followers. Please just get away from me. 😭
Someone who named themselves BIG DADDY was complaining that $1 a second is charging too much… I can’t even make this up. 😭
Then they lied that they spent a bunch of money on me so I sent them a screenshot of their profile that says they spent $0. Every creator on onlyfans is shown this information when you message us… why would you even lie about this? 😵💫
I’m taking a break and going for a walk, lol.
This is why creators have an attitude, if you ever get the mean booty end of a creator in a message, just know it’s likely not your fault but someone else messing with them.
If anyone wants to be degraded, humiliated or more im in the mood to try it today. Send me a tribute and write something to get us started. I could spend time with him but I think I’d rather give my energy to my fans instead. I don’t want to waste any more of my lifetime on someone who makes my life harder than it needs to be.
You have me all fucked up writing essays to strangers on the internet cuz I’m so stuck and desperate to be seen. One day it’s going to be a sentence to you, one word answers and then one day just no answers to your texts, calls or messages.
Thanks for being here for me. 🌹
I’ll edit and put some content up for sale today. As always, VIP medal holders and patrons, send a rose to request bonus content, content to be unlocked, a voice note or for a little attention. 🫣
I’m saying all the things out loud in my head I need to detach. Im not asking for a lot and he just doesn’t care or want this enough. That’s out of my control and i will open my mind and heart for people that will add value instead of burdens and unnecessary strezz into my life. I need a best friend, not a worst enemy. I look forward to stronger and more rewarding connections. I am not crazy for wanting my needs met.
I told him again I love him less and less every day.
I don’t know what else to do except give it to him plainly and honestly. Or I guess to keep saying it until it happens and I’m free of this mental cage I have with him. He says he loves me but he won’t help me with any of the marketing, captions, photo taking, phot editing, social media or important things. It’s like I’m pulling teeth to try to get him to understand me and he hasn’t even helped enough. I feel so frozen, trapped, angry, regretful, confused, _____ and distracted. I feel like an idiot.
I shouldn’t be getting upset over someone who doesn’t even comment on my Instagram or follow me. How did we get this far? Did I just think this is better than being alone? Is it just so rare for me to be attracted to someone that I don’t want to let go? Am I doing this because it felt worse to carry all of this by myself and is he doing less than nothing because he resents me for having a job that looks like im doing nothing? I am working in my head 24/7. If I was Britney Spears, wanting 7 fan pages to help manage millions of fans from each continent and instead of telling me yea, I can help manage one you tell me I should be able to do it by myself then how can you expect anything other than rage, frustration and meltdowns? Get with the program so I can relax and be me.
I wish I could share more. Maybe one day. He won’t sell solo content and gets angry at me when I tell him he should. He accuses me of trying to make him gay and I don’t even have the energy to deal with that fighting. His mother was a hardcore catholic and his dad is a deadbeat so I wonder if that had any impact to how he is. I told him can you please just sell a shirtless selfie so I dont feel so obviously used and like he’s mooching off my image while taking my followers and the money I need to save orphans, refugees and make sure I’m gonna be okay? He just gets rigid with insecurity even though he’s 6’6, built, smart and whatever just because I asked him to start selling shirtless pics and find some sugar mommas so I can stop sweating worrying about my rent AND his. (Which shouldn’t even be my responsibility.) I told him he can sell to women cuz women buy content, too. Especially older women and he goes into a fit as if he’s scared of gay men or struggling with his own sexuality or something. I don’t care. Get off my dick and get out of my way. Give me our content that we can sell at the same time or don’t be surprised when I co-star with someone willing to give me the content right after we make it and is willing to buy their own ads.
Pouring love into him hasn’t worked and I shouldn’t have to be in a position where I have to resort to being mean and strict when I am kind and soft at my core. I wish he had guy friends, brothers or a father figure because he’s not a feminist There’s nothing I can do or say that would ever get him to listen to me or see me in the light I deserve. Part of me thinks he loves me but the fear of being broke and “used” by a seggs worker overrides it. Even though I’ve done more than enough for him.
He is just as attached and confused as me I think, but with fear and resentment of me because I’m a seggs worker. He thinks my job is easy even though I’m clearly falling apart and can’t produce anything fantastic right now. I don’t even want to look at myself. Why wouldn’t you be happy for my success if my goal is to make so much money I could retire your mom or buy a house, maybe even be lucky enough to have kidz who don’t have to worry about college tuition if I could get that far?
I don’t know he expects from me anymore when he’s the source of my misery and gets in the way of everything I’ve been trying to do instead of helping me get to where I need. He keeps asking me to stop talking shit about him on the internet but he won’t do anything to alleviate the pressure or workload. Not even 15 minutes of helping me clear up my Instagram or helping me match outfits.
I’m Managing over 6 social media accounts by myself, 15-18 hours a day and he still acts like I’m doing nothing all day. It’s enraging to the point where I feel like I can’t focus on my VIPs and I’m… Frozen.
He’s still not helping with anything important so there’s nothing left to do except to drift apart. I can’t keep carrying everything by myself. I don’t know why he keeps acting like it doesn’t make sense that I should answer messages while he helps with dishes and that I can’t do both at the same time. He won’t even help me post memes while I edit photos, which sounds like a great job to me but he makes it sound like hell. I deserve someone who adds value to my life and helps me gets stuff done. There’s no point in wasting my time tying to logic this with someone who’s intent on villainizing me for asking for help.
I’m sorry to my followers for all the drama, pain, negativity and tea I’ve brought here. I needed to talk out loud about what’s been going on to people who can see outside of me and actually care about me. I haven’t been able to rely on him or myself to do more. I’ve gotten kinda asexual and traumatized at this point from my messages. I hope to be inspired again soon by someone who’s going to do and be more for me. I’ll be answering messages to nice people instead of spending time with him today. He doesn’t care. I don’t care.
I’m glad we’re broken up. There’s plenty of people who would co-star with me and then give me the content right after we make it. I don’t owe you anything. Not a week head start on selling content you rely on my image for, nothing. Especially when we’re fighting every day because I keep telling you my needs and you keep ignoring them. There are plenty of people that would love to bring me peace and support. I want to feel like I should get out of bed or want to brush my hair. I don’t get that with you. This is MY MONEY and I’m not arguing with someone who hasn’t given me a Christmas in 4 years.
You can love someone and respect someone’s desires/boundaries of not getting pegged. It’s just tough for business. I asked if he could model the leash one of my angels gifted to me for a photoshoot like I did. He wasn’t up for it. I can’t make him want that and I don’t want to push. I’m working on a range of photo sets between dominant and submissive. The stuff yesterday was really good and I’ll make available for medal holders.
If you can’t see how amazing of an opportunity it would be to serve ME as ur GODDESS, then you don’t deserve time with me. 🤷🏻♀️
If you don’t have what it takes to help me earn MY MONEY, then you can’t be upset when I end up having to talk to people who CAN, WANT to and WILL.
